Why Logic Fails Without Emotional Detox
Recently, I faced a moment with a family member that shattered my usual strategies. Our relationship had always been a battlefield of emotions—he’d trigger me, I’d get angry, retaliate, or withdraw, and then drown in guilt. Even after recognizing this toxic cycle, I fell into the trap again. I found myself apologizing for something I wasn’t at fault for, manipulated by guilt, only to feel betrayed. The pain was sharp, like a sword piercing my chest. I couldn’t let it go.
I replayed the story endlessly, complained to friends, and even tried drowning it out with work. Nothing helped. The emotions clung to me like a fog. Then, after pounding it out in my workout and letting myself cry, clarity came at 5 a.m. the next morning. The solution felt simple, obvious even—but it only surfaced after I had released the emotional weight holding me hostage.
This experience taught me something profound:
we can’t think clearly or solve problems while emotions remain unprocessed.
The Key: Connection Before Logic
Listening to Mel Robbins’ podcast episode "Harvard Psychologist Shares 6 Words That Will Change Your Family" was a game-changer for me. Dr. Stuart Ablon’s six words—"People do well if they can"—hit me like a truth I’d been missing. Those words reminded me that the people we love don’t struggle because they don’t want to do better; they struggle because something is blocking them. And often, that something is emotional overwhelm.
When emotions are high, connection is the only way forward. The logic and problem-solving we rush to offer can’t reach them—or us—until we first process the emotions.
The ART Framework
This is where I’ve embraced a new approach: ART—Acknowledge, Release, Transform.
Acknowledge: Meet emotions with empathy. Let the person feel seen and heard.
Release: This step has been revolutionary for me. Whether it’s hypnosis to reprogram the mind or using my body through art—Pound workouts, painting, dancing, singing—I’ve learned that release is the bridge to clarity. Hypnosis, by the way, is just a way to speak directly to the brain that controls the body. Whether I move it or reprogram it, the result is the same: freedom.
Transform: Only after the release can we collaborate on solutions and move forward.
Putting ART into Practice
To explain how this felt, let me take you to a film moment that resonates deeply with me: Inside Out. Do you remember when Joy finally realizes that Sadness wasn’t the problem, but the key to helping Riley process her feelings? That moment of acknowledgment and release allowed Riley to reconnect with her parents and find a way forward. For me, that’s what the ART framework represents—creating space for emotions to flow so clarity and connection can follow.
This isn’t just a strategy; it’s a shift in how we approach emotions. Like Joy’s revelation, it’s about seeing emotions not as obstacles, but as guides to deeper understanding and healing.
The Lesson
Processing emotions isn’t a distraction from problem-solving; it’s the gateway. By acknowledging and releasing emotions first, we create space for clarity, collaboration, and connection. Whether it’s our kids, our partners, or ourselves, the message is clear: emotions first, solutions second.
Next time you feel stuck in a loop, try the ART framework. Start with connection, and watch how it transforms your relationships—and yourself.
Maybe connection is what we call true mercy
salam alaykum
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