I told you, 7 years in Saudi gifted me to be mindful about my emotions.
I didn’t have this opportunity at school, never to meet a teacher who truly believed in my emotions.
Believing that what I felt had a reason to it….so you just end up dismissing that…and swallowing the pill.
The only reason I ended up bursting into anger systematically is that I didn’t let any room to my emotions to be expressed. And logically, the super star of emotions, the absolute Oscar winner, because this one transforms you into somebody else. A complete fictional character…someone you wouldn’t recognise if you saw it in the mirror. And the Oscar goes to….DRUM ROLL Please!
Mr Hulk! Mr Hulk is so big, so green, so angry, he makes his entrance wherever you are… you simply cannot deny him man!
You think it is anger, well it is not…it is just a pressure cooker that is completely full, and the first emotion to come out can be anger. It can be something else. It can be excitement!
The thing is that after all the work I have done to calm myself, I noticed that somedays…not that often. Especially, when I am doing something I don’t want to do truly, or if I am tired….I can burst into some irritation…
But then, I know it now. The inner child has been treated. I can feel it. The trauma has been addressed. The grief has been soothed…it is not a classical emotional trigger…it is simply a habit of reacting to a frustrating situation. A communication mode automatic system.
And this makes especially sense when you know you come from a mediterranean culture, where it is absolutely normal to shout or scream or burst into anger…it’s part of the show.
Whereas my husband who comes from another culture will always deal with his anger in a cold clam way. Not calm from the inside, just quiet and silent.
So, my guess it is because I have simply a habit of processing a bunch of situations with drama.
It is then a sort of addiction, a way of processing some kind of inputs.
As someone who starts lighting his cigaret without even noticing how he got to the pack and the lighter. He automatically grabbed the thing and was putting himself in the starting position to get a fix of smoke.
Same thing with eating. I am in front of my tv…I will set myself up to eat something…and if I have been raised in a house who used to get pop corn at each movie…well guess what, I will need my fix too.
The thing about habits, or addictions, it is always because of a hidden emotion that we need to feel. So if I have an addiction to anger…well guess again: my subconscious will automatically cause me to get into anger for a particular kind of situations.
Let’s say, my mother used to tell me that her mother, my grand mother used to be always angry at her. That she was tough on her. That made her feel misunderstood grandly…
I remember that she used to tell me that she was tougher on her than on her 6 other brothers. And much more than with her sister. Her sister is much younger, so I guess, she learned to be a wiser mum back then.
My grandmother was the sweetest ever. Somedays I felt she was kinder to me than my own mum. She was very tender and soft…and I always felt that she loved me no matter how different I was to her.
I ended up having the same relationship with my own daughter. And I couldn’t dismiss that I was treating her differently. Actually, I felt that it was harder to deal with a girl than with 3 other boys.
Not that she was difficult, but because I received this belief from my ancestors.
The belief emerges after repeating a series of behaviours. It becomes a habit to think that way. If it is a habit to think it, than we act habitually with that thinking. it becomes a belief.
The coincidence was so loud that I cannot dismiss it anymore.
I can see it very often around me. Especially in cultural environment where women have to suck it up and do the job anyways. It’s like preparing yourself for a life of service. A military service. You are going to become a mum, better prepare yourself for tough, hard and ungrateful environment. It’s like becoming a soldier.
From where I come from, we have a saying. “ the man who doesn’t have daughters, we don’t know how he died”. Daughters are always the most merciful, the most loving for their parents. It’s not a mathematical equation. But I couldn’t help but notice, that even a guy like jay shetty, who spent in a very early age years searching about wisdom. A man who speaks only about love. and sharing in an instagram video being so emotionally moved at his sister’s wedding and thanking her for being the one who looked after their mother. Even when he didn’t believe she deserved that kind of love back then.
It doesn’t mean that men don’t do it…it’s a general tendency I guess.
Sometimes it is about an emotional damage. We all have a wounded feminin side. Both of us, Men and women. The feminine energy is the one that leads us to be more nurturing, to be able to receive, to be able to connect with our spiritual part.
What if, the feminine has been treated, and we just have to mechanical move. The addiction to a feeling, that simply has nothing to do with any of that subject.
In my case. I could see that my reactions are different. So when I am challenged, my addiction to fighting gets back.
It’s about communicating with more flow and ease. Communication is based on techniques. You practice those techniques and you get to it.
You change the program.
You become a real musician.
You change your habit, and you can become a master in the art of speaking with melody, confidence and clarity.
Sometimes, it is not related to your inner music. Sometimes, you just have to change the volume of your instrument. Your voice.
You just have to tune into a softer rate of speech.
It is not related to your alignment. You have the proper instrument. You may have discovered that guitar is your instrument. It is now just a matter of tuning.
And you can only have that by practicing the art of active listening.
You do the reps, you get the habit.
Sometimes, it is just a matter of changing the habit…a habitual way of feeling.
When you follow any coaching program. When you want to acquire a new skill, you go to practice and repeat.
Repeating a practice makes it a habit. The belief than starts to get engrained that you know and that you are a master of that skill.
If you wake up everyday at 4 am. It is because you have a belief in yourself. You believe that you are capable of doing it. Because, you have been doing it for so long. You believe strongly that when the buzzer starts, well you can count on yourself: you will get out of your bed.
The practice, the repetition makes the belief.
So if I change this belief with a hypnosis. I allow myself to believe in something new. If I have been using my voice with a loud volume each time I am frustrated, than, I can have another belief. I can choose to have the belief that I am a calm speaking person. And that I can handle any conversation with calm. My subconscious mind will keep the old habit in. The situation that are necessary. Let’s say I need to shout to prevent my son to cross the road while there is a car passing.
It’s all about understanding that this belief has been making me feel out of control. As if it was an addiction. As if I couldn’t choose. I can’t control myself…well now I understand that some belief is controlling my way of reacting.
Imagine a world where you can free yourself from an automatic response that you have and that is causing so much suffering. An addiction. It is an addiction then. Because I am not free to feel calm when I want to.
As an addiction to sugar. I can’t stop myself from eating sweet things. I simply can’t. If I see a cake, I fall for it. There is no matter of discussion. And I don’t want to feel trapped. I want to choose. To be able to look after my body, to treat it with gentleness and respect.
It’s the same with smoking. No smoker would tell you, I smoke 20 cigarettes per day and I can stop than for 30 days on a row. It’s really unlikely. They are not free to choose. This is it about the addiction.
This is it about habits.
It is automatic!
You repeated that So often, Your body is addicted to the biochemicals that it provides to you.
Because it helped you so far to regulate your emotional system. Your biochemistry has found a balance with this addiction.
But when your inner music has been tuned. You can just change now the mechanical habit!
You can do it in repeating it everyday. Especially when you feel not for it. So you practice for example, Yoga, Qi Gong, go for a walk each time you are about to burst into tears, go to the gym even when you are deadly tired, wake up each day when your alarm rings…and repeat it for 30 to 265 days on the row.
Or you reprogram the mind with a different way. Hypnosis. It takes minutes.
I am so grateful that in all cases, I have been able to combine both. Because what I noticed is that, each time I reprogrammed my subconscious mind, I ended up coming up with a new habit. This time, a habit that is changing the game for me.
One of them, was enrolling in a jujitsu class.
But that is another story that I will tell you in another article.
Love you all,
May you all feel free to have the perfect habits to reach any goal in your life,
Because, I tell you what,
I believe in you! And that is a belief, I will never reprogram.
Have a wonderful day.
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